


where the bird sings, where the spring sleeps

by paperballoon



Category: Aldnoah.Zero (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Birds, Childhood, Dreams, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Mentions of Violence, Romance, Stars, influences from numerous movies, kinda Historical AU, rockets, search for a long lost love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-28
Updated: 2017-04-28
Packaged: 2018-10-25 02:44:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10755102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paperballoon/pseuds/paperballoon
Summary: “Your rockets, reaching higher and higher, in the loneliest of journeys.” Slaine whispers so quietly, Inaho has to press the headset closer to his ear to understand him. “Is that my destiny, Inaho? Is that what will become of my life?”*The fic where Inaho and Slaine meet as children, but are torn apart after Slaine’s decision to study at a Versian academy for fighter pilots. As the answers to his letters never arrive, Inaho embarks on a journey in order to find Slaine, and with him the only place he can belong in this world.(Another cliché story about childhood dreams, love, loss and the pursuit of happiness.)





	where the bird sings, where the spring sleeps

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TururaJ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TururaJ/gifts).



> For we have some flax golden tales to spin! 
> 
> About this fic; it’s set in a historical setting, but not so much. Vers is just another country. Earth is Terra. Very loosely based on the early stages of certain space programs. Talking on the phone was expensive then, letters took some time to arrive, and the song Slaine hums/sings comes from the movie ‘Mary Poppins’ (Feed the birds- Tuppence a bag), just because I think it fits Slaine very much, loving that movie :D

_~Vers, Cape of Tranquility~_

It’s a sunny day.

Inaho shakes hands with the director of the facility, Terra’s ambassador, and the astronaut, whose dark-glassed helmet is damp from his sweat. The journalists keep changing flash bulbs while doing their job. The sparks of the flash bulbs are very annoying. Even Inaho can tell that the astronaut is nervous; his grip on Inaho’s hand is so tight, it’s uncomfortable.

Inaho silently inspects the white suit for any defects. Finding only countless things that remind him of Slaine (the sun, the astronaut’s green eyes, the pale blue vest of the ambassador) he patiently waits for all of this to be over.

Tomorrow is the day.

*

_“All the second phase tanks now pressurized.”_

_‘T minus 60 seconds and counting.’_

_“Astronaut’s reports are good.”_

_‘T minus 15 seconds and counting.’_

_‘ …5…4…3…2…1...’_

“You should have been here.” Inaho murmurs so low, careful that no one hears.

Not that anyone actually could—the sound of the blast off is almost deafening.

Inaho watches as his ideas blaze and ascend before his eyes.

(Slaine would have called them dreams. Inaho knows they aren’t. Of the two, Slaine has always been the dreamer, after all.)

*

The moment the rocket explodes mid-air in a gigantic orange-black cloud of smoke is the moment Inaho finally comprehends that Slaine’s absence is catastrophic.

He calls Yuki, informs her that he is terminating his career as an aerospace engineer, an astrophysicist, he is terminating his contract as the head of Vers’ space program, and he is going to find Slaine Saazbaum Troyard.

After her shocked silence, Yuki utters only one word: _Why._  

Yuki would never ask him why he eats and breathes. Yet she asks about Slaine, and Inaho’s heart hurts, because he doesn’t know how to explain this to her.

 

_~Capital of Vers, one year later~_

Inaho would have recognized Slaine everywhere. Pale hands. Red lips, eyes brighter than the blinding flash of the supernovas Inaho has discovered, all those years since Tanegashima, since that long summer afternoon under the cherry tree.

The sky is grey, sunless. It is snowing.

_“Have you ever traveled to the outskirts of the Vers Empire, Inaho? The winters there…that white landscape…it feels as if you are in some distant, foreign world…”_

Towering skyscrapers surround him, metal and bricks, the streets filled with busy people. For the second time in his life, Inaho feels lost. (The first wasn’t after Slaine left, not even after Slaine wept through the receiver, alone and far away, and Inaho was furious towards those people. Inaho felt lost the moment he realized Slaine stopped writing back to him.)

According to the expired travel documents he paid a fortune for in the black market, Slaine Saazbaum Troyard entered the Vers Empire 5 years ago.

He feels so close.

It is there, on that busy and crowded road, that Inaho’s wishes expand and soar, in hopes of finding his destiny again.

_Destiny._

Only Slaine Troyard made him believe in that word. That, and many other words; things they whispered that night to each other. Warm and fulfilling words, more than anything else he has ever known.

Silently, he inspects the crowd for Slaine’s strong figure, golden hair catching the absent sun.

Nothing.

*

That night, sick to his heart, Inaho steps inside a bar, a luxurious space with dimmed lights and purple velvet seats, and orders a drink for the first time since ages. _Slaine had brought a bottle of champagne with him, beneath the starry sky—he was warm and drunk just from the way Slaine kept pressing his lips desperately against his, that night for the first and last time._

After taking a sip, Inaho realizes that he dislikes the bitter taste. So he keeps staring at the amber liquid for hours, until the sky darkens and the neon city lights fade away, until the bar closes in the early hours of the morning and he wanders the empty misty roads alone for two hours and forty-three minutes, until it’s time for him to be received by the Princess of the Vers Empire, Asseylum Vers Allusia.

 

_~Municipality of Tanegashima~_

As a child, Inaho prefers staying inside the kindergarten building, running his fingers over pictures of faraway stars rather than playing outside with the other children, under the light of the Sun, the G2V star closest to the Earth. At nights, he usually stays up until late, writing down equations and facts about stars and planets and the known universe.

After his parents die in a car accident, his sister Yuki and Inko’s parents are the ones taking care of him. Despite his reclusive nature, he has friends; Inko and Calm and Nina, who follow him into school. He meets Rayet there, a girl who keeps babbling about her excursions with her father into the forests surrounding Tanegashima.

A few years go by.

One day, a girl with long yellow hair joins his class; Asseylum Vers Allusia, heir to the throne of the Vers Empire. Her maid, Eddelrittuo, always stays by her side. Tensions inside the palace have forced her family to send the princess to the neighboring country of Terra, in order for Asseylum to finish her education in Inaho’s small, peaceful hometown.

It is then that Inaho meets Slaine Troyard.

 

_~Capital of Vers~_

“Ah, Inaho-san…I thought you knew? Slaine left the Palace five years ago.” Asseylum says, sitting on a couch as white as her two-piece dress. She is watching him with a sad smile. Hail is mercilessly striking the windows. “He never mentioned you, however…”

“Never?”

“Each time I asked him questions about you, he kept changing the subject.” Asseylum shifts, crossing her slender legs and resting her intertwined fingers on her lap, always elegant and unmarred.

_“I remember…” Slaine whispers, slowly, champagne in his breath, “There was an expensive vase in the palace. We were playing hide and seek—Asseylum broke it by accident. The maid saw it…but still, I was punished. I never understood why…Cruhteo’s cane left me with bruises, that day. My father was so angry at me.”_

Asseylum is talking, sadness permeating her voice, “I don’t understand how Slaine was able to forget you, Inaho-san, his dear friend...” Her cheeks darken as she mutters, “But I…I never forgot about you, or the times we shared…”

Inaho gets up from the pristine couch. The atmosphere in the room is suffocating. “I have to give him back his pendant.”

_Slaine, tears flowing down his cheeks. The last announcement for his flight rings in Inaho’s unbelieving ears. The rounded metal catches the sunlight, seeping in through the large windows of the airport. “Take it.” Slaine says, voice thin and choked. “When I’m far away…I want you to look at that pendant and remember me.” He starts receding, but turns: “And if I’m not flying, I’ll gaze at the stars and think of you. I’ll think of you there, I swear I’ll think of you. I promise.”_

“Do you have any ideas on Slaine’s current location?”

Asseylum hesitates. “Five years ago, while still in the palace, Slaine faced accusations of high treason. Of murdering three of the Royal Knights. He—Slaine demanded the Vers Empire stop secret tests of chemical weapons against small, secluded communities of Terrans living near our borders. Of course, I could not understand his accusations—the people of Vers are respectful and peaceful towards every country—“

“…Was he arrested?”

Asseylum’s eyes sadden. “He escaped, after he claimed he was innocent. I hope he was…it might have been better that way…”

Inaho’s heartbeats rise. “You did not support him. Why? Slaine—“

_“Feed…the birds…that’s what she cries…while overhead her birds fill the skies…”_

It hurts. “Slaine would never harm anyone. There was a place—a field—back in Tanegashima. Slaine…he used to…”

“Inaho-san?”

_No one…no one even knew about it._

“He was your childhood friend.”, Inaho says, in the end.

“…The accusations were strong, Inaho-san. B-Blood was found on his uniforms, the night the officers were murdered. And Slaine initiated a meaningless struggle against many of the Royal Knights, leaders of the Vers Army, accusing them of terrible crimes.”

“Was he telling the truth?”

Asseylum gets up, places her palm on the snow-stained window. “Possibly not…he threatened me, Inaho-san. He…held a gun, pointed it at me. He threatened my sister, too—“

Inaho breathes, calmly. “You have a sister.”

“Yes…a half-sister. While I spent my childhood in Terra, she stayed behind in Vers. Princess Lemrina…she was friendly towards Slaine. After she met Slaine, my sister resigned her rights to the throne.”

“Why?”

“She never explained. She has refused all of my offers for reconciliation…” Asseylum offers him another sad smile.

Five years of searching; Inaho will never give up. “Tell me. Where is she now?”

“The Moon Base.” Asseylum says. “It’s a small town near our borders with Terra. Slaine…he helped my sister find a place to belong, there.”

“Do you have any other information? On Slaine?”

“As far as I remember…my former maid, Eddelrittuo, also spoke to him, once, before he escaped from the palace…”

 

_~Municipality of Tanegashima~_

Everything changes the day he meets Slaine Troyard, because Inaho realizes that Slaine is far more interesting than all the stars and the universe and the secrets it holds.

Slaine Troyard smiles a lot, laughs a lot, takes ladybugs in his palm and lets them linger on his fingers, until they slowly reach his fingertips and take flight, disappearing into the calm, colorful afternoon skies.

Older children bully Slaine, because he is bright and kind toward everything he sees.

This is nothing new to Inaho.

Inaho catalogues daily what he knows about Slaine, expanding long lists in his mind. Slaine is very intelligent; he is best friends with Asseylum, he is 9 years old, a year older than Inaho and already 3cm taller that he is—Inaho investigated the school records. (He also observed that all information on Slaine’s mother was left purposely blank. According to the papers, Slaine was born on Terra, but migrated with his father to the Vers Empire, where his father worked as a scientist for a few years. Slaine is living with his father now, and the address registered on the school records is different from Asseylum’s. He also memorizes Slaine’s telephone number, just because he can.)

 

~Luna, Eddelrituo’s hometown~

“Eddelrittuo. Princess Asseylum sends her greetings.”

She is silent.

“I’m here for Slaine Troyard.”

Eddelrittuo is sitting by the window. The house is dark. “Thank you.” She adds, “Forgive me, Inaho-san.”  

“Why?”

“…I have wronged Slaine Troyard in the past.”

At last, Inaho remembers. “The broken vase. It was you—” Inaho exhales. He swallows the bitterness. “Slaine was harshly punished because of your false accusations.”

“I’m sorry.” She is clearly ashamed. “I-I’m really sorry, Inaho-san.”

“…Slaine has disappeared. I need to find him.”

“I’m afraid I don’t know much, Inaho-san. After he visited the Palace, Slaine returned to his base. That was the last time anyone ever saw him.”

“What do you mean.”

“Inaho-san…has no one ever told you? Slaine was officially listed as ‘missing in action’ during his last mission.”

Inaho’s pulse stops. “When did this happen?”

“About…four years ago.”

Inaho’s throat is thick with emotions. Everything Slaine taught him; love, longing, sorrow, hope. “How—“

“Count Saazbaum. Despite having retired, he managed to uncover that, at least… He and his wife, Countess Orlane, always cared so much for Slaine.”

“Still…” Inaho clenches his fists. “This proves nothing.”

Eddelrittuo lowers her head. Her fingers are sinking into her skirt, shaking. Droplets are falling from her face, sipping into the dark fabric. “F-Forgive me, I-Inaho-san.”

“No.”

She raises her head. “Inaho-san?”

“…Slaine is alive. And I’m going to find him.”

*

It happens on the platform of Tanegashima’s train station, after Inaho returns from Eddelrittuo’s hometown. A glimpse of yellow hair, damp from the rain. Broad shoulders, lean waist. He is approaching the train with supple steps. There is heat and smoke dispersing from the locomotive. Inaho knows—the train will depart immediately.

Inaho starts running.

His tongue feels cracked. Cold sweat slides down his nape. He can’t utter the name aloud; five years ago, Vers officially declared Slaine Saazbaum Troyard a murderer, a deserter and a traitor.

The train is moving.

Inaho runs and runs, his lungs burning, trying to shout because he is getting closer now, much closer—he loses his footing and ends up stumbling and falling on the train platform, hitting his chin so hard he thinks his teeth rattle.

He wants to cry out, from frustration and longing and agony, but he is dizzy from the fall and bleeding, so he gets up; his antics have attracted attention. Numerous inquisitive pairs of eyes are on him. 

His distraught gaze tries to reach the train, already disappearing into the horizon.

 

_~Municipality of Tanegashima~_

Magbaredge-sensei makes an announcement to the class. For today’s lesson, they will do something ‘fun’: they will draw and paint. His classmates squeal in happiness.

Nevertheless, there is a single condition. The drawing must depict their dreams.

Inaho, 11 years old, would prefer reading his astrophysics books in class, as he usually does. He has no dreams, apart from his ideas of discovering mathematical sequences that will explain how some of the stars in the known universe came to exist.

Furthermore, drawing is a waste of his time. He knows he lacks the talent and interest for it.

Everyone seems to disagree, including Slaine and Asseylum and the rest of his friends. They enthusiastically grab colorful pens and blank papers and start completing the assignment.

Inaho sighs.

*

Sitting immobile for ten minutes and having no clue what to do for the first time in his life, Inaho exploits a very cowardly tactic; he decides to copy and reproduce another person’s idea. His gaze slides carefully to the side. Slaine is almost finished with his painting.

Inaho never expected that Slaine’s dream would be so…extraordinary.

Slaine’s drawing depicts a white plane, flying so high that its wing touches one of the many bright yellow dots on the light blue sky…the stars. Birds in all colors are flying around the plane.

Inaho doesn’t know why Slaine dreams of planes and birds and stars; but slowly, carefully, a very interesting idea blooms in his head.

*

“Kaizuka! You cheated! You looked at my picture!” Slaine’s cheeks are red with disappointment.

Inaho looks at his drawing, depicting a gray machine flying alone through the stars. The background is black; representing the universe.

“I didn’t.”

“Yes, you did!”

“No, I didn’t. That’s a plane. And this is a machine that can travel to the stars. They are two totally different things.”

Slaine’s ears become red. “A machine that can travel to the stars?! Such a thing doesn’t exist! Admit it, you cheated!”

He did. But for some stubborn reason, Inaho refuses to admit it.

_“Kaizuka!”_

“It’s just a picture.”

“NO!” Slaine looks ready to cry. “It’s my gift to Princess Asseylum! It has to be unique!!”

“Then let her decide which picture she wants.”

It is strange; Inaho was never interested in Asseylum’s attention before. However…the idea of gaining her favor over Slaine…it suddenly intrigues him.

They both show their drawings to Asseylum, and she is clearly enthralled by the machine flying through the stars. It is clear that she tries to compliment both pictures, but she says in the end, “Slaine-kun…you have given me so many drawings in the past…”

The satisfaction of his win over Slaine doesn’t last long. Big, silent tears start flowing down Slaine’s cheeks. He runs out of the classroom, obviously crying.

Asseylum was staring at Inaho’s drawing all the time, so she didn’t notice.

With a look around him, observing his busy, excited classmates, Inaho realizes another thing about Slaine.

No one noticed.

*****

During his walks home after school, Inaho usually spots Slaine playing in the park with Calm or Nina or Inko. They will always invite him to join them, but after the ‘drawing’ incident, Inaho always refuses. Today, however, is different.

Inaho hears the cries.

He runs towards the noise, he runs through the empty, grey roads dusted with pink cherry petals until his lungs hurt, until his breaths catch in his throat.

Only to find Slaine crying under a cherry tree.

Inaho knows that older children bully Slaine. He also knows that Slaine never lets it affect him—outwardly.

For the first time in his life, he understands Slaine’s anguish. He approaches, beholds Slaine’s sad mouth, the look in his eyes, Slaine’s mute inquiry, calling for help.

“Wait here.” Inaho says.

He runs.

*

Coming back, sweaty and panting from his sprint, he is relieved to find Slaine still sitting under the cherry tree, eyes red and puffed, but with no tears.

Inaho gives it to Slaine; another drawing, better than the one he gave to Asseylum. The machine has a capsule with a person inside now, and an aerodynamic design.

Slaine does not thank him. He hugs his knees close and asks Inaho about the person inside the machine, flying among the stars. If they’re lonely. Because there are no other people in space.

Inaho doesn’t answer, since he never thought about that.

*

They are now 13 years old, and their only way of communicating is greeting each other in school. Inaho knows Slaine has a crush on Asseylum, because when he eventually relents and goes out with Asseylum for ice-cream, he spots in the reflection of the shop window those blond curls sticking out, carefully concealed behind a bush.

It bothers him, somehow.

Asseylum never loses interest in Inaho after that ‘date’. Until another member of Vers royalty visits their town; Klancain, son of Count Cruhteo, one of Vers’ most famous Knights.

*

The day it is announced that Klancain will attend school with them, Inaho finds Slaine under the cherry tree again. His eyes are red.

Inaho sits down next to him, resting his back on the tree bark.

In order to break the overwhelming silence, Inaho asks Slaine questions. About the Vers Empire. About the ladybugs that Slaine protects from their immature classmates. About anything that comes into his mind.

Slaine stops breathing, looks at him, and answers.

*

Winters and summers come and go, and the almond trees blossom, and the shrubs grow loud with the cries of swallows.

Slaine jumps high each time he sees Inaho in the park, waving his hand with the wind ruffling his hair and his shirt floating, eyes full of laughter.

They both study together, staying in class after school. Sometimes, Slaine brings an old blanket with him and they sit under the cherry tree, talking about math, physics and especially aerodynamics.

*

Through Slaine, Inaho learns many things about the world, and about himself. He learns that winters on Vers are white and cold, unlike Tanegashima. He learns that Slaine’s mother left when he was an infant, he learns that Slaine has great and countless dreams, unlike himself.

*

“You love gazing at the stars.” Slaine says to him one winter’s night, both resting their hands at the icy railing of Inaho’s balcony. Their breaths come out in white clouds, mingling in the cold air.

The entire Milky Way is spread across the black skies.

Inaho curls his fingers, hiding them inside his long sleeves. He only acquiesced stepping into the cold because Slaine was so eager looking at the stars, since there is a blackout in the area.  “I find them interesting.”

Slaine’s father is usually working until very late, so Slaine eats dinner with Inaho at least three times a week, sometimes even sleeps on a futon spread next to Inaho’s.

“Admit it.” Slaine nudges him gently with his elbow.

Inaho smiles, a bit.

“Inaho…you are grinning like a cat who’s had the cream! Just admit that you love gazing at the stars!”

“Alright.”

Slaine giggles.

“Though the conditions must be good in order to observe them. No clouds, or light pollution…”

Slaine murmurs something under his breath, and Inaho catches a word, _promise_.

“Slaine?”

“I-I didn’t say anything!”

Yuki-nee shouts and interrupts Inaho’s objection.

“Naaao! Slaine-kun! Come inside and light more candles, dinner is ready!”

 

_~ Municipality of Tanegashima~_

The moment Inaho leaves the train station, he wipes the blood from his chin and staggers towards Saazbaum and Orlane’s house.

He knocks on the door.

While waiting for an answer, he hears laughter. His gaze drifts towards the opposite direction; Femianne and Magbaredge are sitting outside in Femianne’s garden, chatting as usual. Femianne’s pets are surrounding them. Magbaredge’s hair is a shade lighter—a mix of blond and grey. Femianne’s crimson locks are the same as ever.

Inaho turns, knocking on the door again.

Saazbaum is the one who opens it. His eyes widen slightly at Inaho’s ragged appearance, but he nods. “I have acquired your letter. Come inside.”

*

After he cleans up, he sits on the couch, opposite Saazbaum and Orlane, clutching Slaine’s pendant in his grip.

He doesn’t drink the offered tea, though Orlane doesn’t seem offended by this.

Saazbaum stares silently at him, takes a breath, and starts explaining everything he has discovered, which is not much: according to confidential information, Slaine was reported as MIA during one of his missions. His last known location was a village near the northern borders of Terra. Saazbaum provides Inaho with the exact coordinates of the military base near it.

Royal Knight Cruhteo was the one who signed the approval of Slaine’s last mission.

*

After Inaho is satisfied with the data he recovered, he asks of Slaine’s parents to show him to Slaine’s room. Perhaps important clues might be accessible there.

*

Inaho steps inside Slaine’s bedroom, and Saazbaum leaves the room, quietly closing the door behind him.

Inaho has never been here before, but there is not much new to see; everything Slaine loves is displayed on the walls. The room is filled with colorful pictures and posters. Music and cinema and literature. Planes…birds….stars. (An article on Canopus; dated a few months after Slaine’s 17th birthday. The last one Inaho did not expect. He coldly urges the memories away.)

Inaho opens a drawer. And inside…

Inaho draws a slow, long breath when he realizes what it is.

_“Your rockets, reaching higher and higher, in the loneliest of journeys.” Slaine whispers, “Is that my destiny, Inaho? Is that what will become of my life?”_

There are two drawings there, both gently placed into separate plastic coverings.

The memories assault him, so strong, so unbearable, Inaho has to sit down in order to calm the burning pain in his chest.

He is standing on Slaine’s balcony again, one summer’s day:

_“Slaine…when we were children. That drawing…the one you never gave to Asseylum. The one with the plane, the birds and the stars.”_

_Slaine laughs, loud and clear. “Ah, the birds…I guess I was a funny kid.”_

_“What was your dream?”_

_Slaine is still smiling when he looks at him. “It has always been the same, Inaho.”_

_“I don’t understand.”_

_“There’s a whole world out there for us to see, Inaho. As I child, I thought only the birds, the stars and the pilots get to see it.” Slaine laughs again. “I was obviously wrong…!” A pause. “But, you know…that was not my favorite drawing, back then…”_

_“Were there others?”_

Slaine never answered, back then. He never mentioned he kept Inaho’s drawing…

…Inaho’s childish, foolish attempt at consolation…

All these years.

*

Inaho removes the pendant from his pocket and gently places it on top of the overlapping drawings.

*

Orlane stands at the door, Saazbaum behind her, placing his hands on her shoulders.

“Come again. You’re always welcome here.” Orlane says. At his silence, she answers, “We knew. We always knew that Slaine cared very deeply for you.”

Inaho stares at her.

“He only talked about you, after all.” Tears fill her eyes. Saazbaum tightens his grip, encouragingly.

“He’s alive. I know it.” Inaho says, and leaves the house behind.

 

_~Municipality of Tanegashima~_

Slaine’s profile, the rain is drenching him, plastering his darkened hair on his cheeks. Inaho knows; Slaine is crying. The funeral is over. He approaches a shivering Slaine, his umbrella now sheltering them both from the rain. Asseylum tries to speak, but a glance from Inaho silences her. Inaho lost his parents when he was still an infant, so he doesn’t remember much. But they are 14 now, and he supposes that an agonizing difference lies there, between all those years.

Slaine is in so much pain. Inaho endures it silently with him, until the sky goes black overhead, and Inaho’s heart becomes something similar to a black hole, swallowing and killing all the light, hurting for Slaine.

*

After a few weeks, Slaine informs Inaho that a retired Royal Knight will adopt him, a very good friend of his father.

*

Saazbaum and his wife, Orlane, arrive in Tanegashima a week before Slaine’s birthday.

For his 15th birthday, Slaine invites his close friends in his new home.

The party is boring. Asseylum wants to dance with him, but Inaho doesn’t know how to dance. He keeps sitting on the couch, watching as Slaine dances slow songs with Asseylum.

Calm and the rest of his friends are also invited, so Inaho spends the rest of his afternoon listening to Calm’s stories, all of Calm’s unsuccessful attempts of finding a girlfriend, while his eyes can’t leave Slaine.

*

After that party, Inaho spends many long afternoons in Slaine’s new home. Orlane is a much better cook than his sister (even than himself), so Inaho always accepts Slaine’s invitations with something that could be called excitement.

(After all, Slaine has a very interesting expression while eating his favorite food.)

*

“Who is she?”

It’s a mild summer afternoon. Inaho is standing next to Slaine on the balcony of Slaine’s new home. A woman with long red hair, black round sunglasses and a crimson dress is stepping out of the house just opposite from Slaine’s.

Slaine sniggers.

“Slaine?”

“That’s Mrs. Femianne.”

“The new neighbor you mentioned yesterday.”

Slaine seems very amused. “Oh, yes.”

“Why are you smiling?”

Slaine arches an eyebrow, eyes wrinkling playfully. “Wait and see, Inaho. Just wait and see…!”

*

_“Botis! Marax! Ronové!”_

Inaho’s eyes widen. “Those are Chihuahuas. Named after…demons?”

Slaine is shaking from his silent laughter.

The woman stumbles in high heels down the street, holding six dog leashes-three in each hand- leading to six very excited Chihuahuas, which sit and spread the brown, sticky contents of their last meal everywhere across the sidewalk and the street. 

“ _Halphas! Räum! Viné!_ ” She shouts, “Come, my children!”

“Chihuahuas…named after Goetian demons…how did she arrive to the conclusion that they are her children?” Inaho wonders, and Slaine’s laughter breaks free, crystal clear and elated.

Femianne snaps her head up when she notices them. “ _You!_ It’s you again?! How _dare_ you make fun of my precious children!”

“Your dogs are dirtying both the road and the pavement.” Inaho calmly answers, leaning on the balcony railing, while silently hoping Slaine doesn’t faint from his laughing. “Unless you want us to sue you, you should remove the feces from that public space as soon as possible.”

Femianne is very upset. The dogs start snarling at them, apparently having understood that their owner is agitated. They are very noisy.

It is then that the door of the house next to Femianne’s slams open, revealing a very displeased Magbaredge-sensei.

Magbaredge threatens to call the police if Femianne doesn’t clean the road, and Slaine, still lost in uncontrollable laughter, drapes an arm over Inaho’s shoulders.

Heat rushes to Inaho’s cheeks.

Slaine has stopped laughing. His cheeks are red, eyes shining with mirth. The sun crowns his hair in white light. Slaine looks at Inaho and smiles, warmly.

And Inaho smiles back.

 

~Moon Base, Lemrina’s house~

This is his last stop before leaving for Northern Vers, for the military base Slaine received his last command.

“The Princess will see you know.” The maid says, and he follows her into the main room, where a young woman with pale lavender hair is sitting on a chair, meeting his gaze with unparalleled coldness.

“Go away. I have nothing to say to the likes of you.”

*

It takes two hours, but Inaho manages to convince her he is no enemy.

“Another pilot, Marylcian, came to me a few years ago and asked me questions about Slaine’s whereabouts. I even refused to receive him. He was…very persistent.”

 _She is so different from her sister._ “Does Asseylum know about this?”

Lemrina’s glance speaks volumes; _Are you an idiot?_

“…So Slaine was right, when he accused the Vers Empire for war crimes.

“Slaine said…that they were forced to do terrible things.” Lemrina whispers. “Not all the pilots agreed. Slaine…at one point, he refused to play their game, whatever it was. He escaped. He went to my sister, to present her with the truth. Back then, no one believed him. Even I...I thought he was a liar. I thought he did everything he did, span all the lies in order to gain my sister’s attention.”

“You…”

“I loved him. I thought I could give my life for him. The way he smiled—“

Inaho’s chest burns _._ “I don’t have time for sentiments.”

Lermina’s eyes are suddenly devoid of emotions. “I believe that Slaine, seeing it was not possible to make us understand, to break our illusions…perhaps he decided to end things on his own. The moment he pointed the gun at us, he said that he would go...to end everything.”

Inaho can imagine it; Slaine, upset. _“I’m going to end this, end the atrocities they are committing!!”_

“Did he commit murder?”

“Are you talking about the officers that were found dead in the Palace?” Lemrina smiles, coldly. “I have no idea. Perhaps he murdered those people…because they wanted to exploit the Princess, because he wanted to protect _her_. But perhaps he didn’t…perhaps it was a scheme his enemies devised, in order to get rid of him…sadly, I don’t think we will ever learn the truth.”

“Slaine is alive.”

Lemrina sneers. “And people seriously believe you are a genius. A shame, Dr. Kaizuka.”

 _I have no time for this._ “Get to the point.”

“If Slaine is alive, where is he? You believe I haven’t also searched for him? You believe I simply gave up, after just a few years of searching?! That I _abandoned_ him, just like my sister did?!” From her burning anger, Lemrina has now ice in her voice. “No. Slaine is gone from this world.”

Inaho closes his eyes. The words hurt. “You have no proof.”

“What did not happen in this world will happen in the next one. That’s what I keep telling myself, Dr. Kaizuka, in order to escape the madness of grief. If you believe it will be better for you to keep chasing after long-gone shadows…feel free to do so. I’m not going to stop you.”

Inaho is burning. “Slaine is alive. And I’ll go to him. No matter where I must go.”

She chuckles darkly. “This is madness.”

“I’m going after him!” He is unnecessarily angry. “Nothing you say is going to change that.”

Lemrina doesn’t answer. She keeps staring at the wall, at the many pictures hanging there. There are photos of Lemrina, all of them. In one of the photos, she is riding a horse. In another, she is swimming inside what appears to be the clear blue waters of the ocean.

Inaho gets up and turns to leave.

“You know…” It’s only a whisper. “Slaine gave me a home. I knew him only for a few months, but he gave me the strength to pursue my own dreams. He gave me everything. I thought that with time…the pain of not being near him would go away. But it doesn’t. It grows worse every single day.” She sighs. “Tell me, Dr. Kaizuka. How do you manage it…? Chasing after him for all those years…?”

Inaho doesn’t really have an answer. Still, he tries to explain. “Each day that passes by, I…” _I love him more._

He stops there.

“I wish you the best in your ghost chase.” Lemrina murmurs, and hides her eyes behind her palms. “Now go away and leave me alone.”

 

_~Municipality of Tanegashima~_

“What do you want to do with your life, Inaho?” Slaine asks him, both sitting on their dark green bench in the small park where two children are playing and shrieking with joy, a couple of steps away. Inaho is 15 years old. The dizzying sound of cicadas resonates in waves all around them, encompassing them. It’s summer, so it’s very hot. The tall cedars spread their shadows on the ground, Slaine’s white T-shirt is clinging onto his skin, his cheeks are pink from the hot sun. A blond curl slides into his eyes, sticky with sweat. Slaine pushes it away.

The children start crying. Inaho finds the noise loud and irritating. Slaine snaps his head towards them, but the moment he jolts from the bench and kneels by them, their mother rushes close in order to soothe. After the fat insect is discarded into a faraway plant with Slaine’s help, the family leaves and waves goodbye.

Slaine waves back. His smile compares in brightness with the sun.

After Slaine returns to the green bench, Inaho answers the question, “Definitely not a kindergarten teacher.”

Slaine throws his head back and laughs.

 _My joke was not funny._ Inaho wants to say, entranced. The sound is rich and smooth. _So why are you laughing?_ Instead, “I will become an astrophysicist. And I am almost certain that you—“

“Please wait! I’ll give you three clues.”

 _I never asked for this._ Inwardly, he is smiling.

“One. I want to help people in need.”

Inaho stays unimpressed, staring at Slaine’s pale, raised index. _He has beautiful fingers._

“Two. I want to end wars. And three…”

“You can omit the dramatic pause. Though…not a diplomat or a doctor, then.”

Slaine smiles.

“I want to touch the skies.” He whispers then, gaze fixed unto said skies, the strength of his determination permeating each word.

 _No. Look at me,_ Inaho thinks with a lurch of his heart, but immediately swallows the words, smothering them.

“A fighter pilot!” Slaine exclaims, very happy. “I want to study abroad. To pursue my dreams, to become better, wiser, to fly faster and higher than anyone else before!”

“You will leave.”

Slaine’s smile disappears. “Yes…yes, of course. I have to.”

Silence.

Gazing into Slaine’s eyes, Inaho feels something. That feeling is something simultaneously invasive and vulnerable.

 _Don’t leave._ Inaho thinks. _If you leave, you’ll get lost._ “I see.” _Is this…anger?_ “Good. But I have to go. Yuki-nee…is waiting.”

He gets up and leaves.

Slaine shouts his name in indignation, drowning out the cicadas’ buzz. Slaine doesn’t come after him.

Inaho’s heart feels very heavy.

*

It is January, and Slaine’s 17th birthday, and Inaho is invited to Slaine’s birthday party. (Like the rest of his class: as they grew older, the bullying stopped, and Slaine became very popular due to his blond hair and green eyes and charming smile, and everything else that Inaho overheard the girls in his class discuss about Slaine. The pang of…disappointment? sadness? in his chest was very unexpected and very confusing.)

The moment he arrives, Inaho greets Slaine’s parents, accepts a paper plate filled with chicken wings that an amused Saazbaum shoves into his hands, and after he eats them, he goes to find Slaine.

*

The moment he sees Slaine, he notices the light blue vest. It has a slim fit and clean lines. The sleeves of Slaine’s white shirt are rolled up to his elbows, exposing his forearms. (Inaho knows; Slaine has freckles on his forearms and the bridge of his nose, but only if one looks at them up close and under bright sunlight.)

Inaho doesn’t know why he keeps noticing things like that; plus, he realizes the moment Slaine greets him, Slaine smells…different.

“What is that smell?”

“Oh! It’s Princess Asseylum’s present.”

 _Despite all those years of knowing her, he still calls her ‘Princess’…_ “The scent doesn’t suit you.”

Slaine blinks.

“It’s too…heavy. Unnecessary.” The moment the words leave his mouth, he regrets it, because he sounds…different.

Slaine swallows, wide-eyed and lost for a second. The next, his lips form a teasing, happy smile. “W-What would you prefer, then?”

“Something else. Something sweet, perhaps.” Inaho says, and before he realizes what he just blurted out, Calm and Nina arrive and congratulate Slaine on his birthday.

*

His classmates come and go and have fun, Inko changes the music and Inaho watches as Asseylum and Rayet start dancing to the rhythm of another song. The band is very famous, though as much as Slaine keeps praising the four members, Inaho still doesn’t understand the appeal in the music.

The song changes, and a slow dance comes, and suddenly, Slaine is nowhere to be seen.

Inaho stays calm. He inspects the crowd for Slaine’s strong figure, golden hair catching the sunset’s light.

He finds him; Slaine is wearing a dark green, turtleneck sweater.

He approaches Slaine. “You changed your shirt.”

Slaine smiles, and nods, raising his voice over the music. “Are you thirsty? Would you like—”

“Orange juice. Thank you.” Inaho says, and Slaine smiles again.

*

As the hours go on and the sky darkens and fills with stars, Inaho finds himself bored and eager to step outside and finish his thoughts on Hilbert’s problems.  

As if sensing his mood (something that happens more often as the years go by) Slaine comes and stands next to him.

“Inaho…Is it your stars again? Or math? Or perhaps your physics—”

“Hilbert’s first problem.” Inaho says, and smiles just a bit. “But Canopus might be visible at this hour.”

“Come.” Slaine says, and they step outside, in the relative calmness and privacy of the balcony.

It’s cold. Cloudy. Not even Sirius is visible, and Inaho informs Slaine of this. Slaine laughs.

For a while they simply stand, Slaine always smiling, watching the blurry dancers embracing and swaying through the balcony door. The melody of a slow ballad slips outside and enfolds them, muted through the distance. It is oddly melancholic.

Slaine extends his hand. “Come…Dance with me.”

Inaho blinks. “I can’t dance. Slaine, you know that.”

“You can’t expect me to believe this, coming from a person who proposed solutions to unsolved theorems and has already written 15 scientific papers—“

“Dancing has almost nothing in common with science.”

“Inaho…” Slaine is sad.

“Okay.”

Slaine’s eyes are big with amazement. They seem to gleam through the celebratory, barely-lit atmosphere of the balcony.

“We can dance. I don’t want you to be sad over such a trivial matter.”

“Then w-wrap your arms around me.” Slaine mutters, and Inaho tries to understand why the sudden stuttering. “H-Here…and here…hmm.” He feels Slaine’s warm hand wrap around his own. Slaine nods in approval and smiles when Inaho follows his advice.

 “Move your right foot—right, Inaho—yes, like that—left now…”

They move for a few minutes, looking at each other, silent. Inaho is clumsy, though Slaine obviously doesn’t mind. Inaho, unsurprisingly, quickly grows bored of it. Only the strange pull he feels from Slaine’s gaze makes him stay, and continue to sway in a way that barely resembles a dance.

 _His face must be hurting from all that smiling_ , Inaho thinks, but he is happy, since Slaine is happy too.

*

At one moment, something warm and soft brushes against his cheek; Slaine’s hair.

Inaho is ready to speak, inform Slaine that he should stop, it tickles, but he keeps quiet the moment he realizes Slaine is resting his temple against his own. It’s…comforting.

A sweet scent fills his lungs.

His heart starts beating very fast.

He whispers, “Slaine. You did not only change your shirt. That scent…”

“For you.” Slaine says, and looks at him.

Inaho feels as if he just swam through an ocean of heat. Slaine is staring at his mouth.

“Slaine—was there any alcohol—in the orange juice?”

“Eh? No…” Slaine notices how Inaho is clutching at his frantically beating heart, “Inaho, are you alright?!”

“I…I have never felt like this before.”

 “Sh-should I call a doctor?!”

“No. I am fine.” Inaho says, and they stop swaying together.

And the moment is lost.

*

After Inaho reassures him at least ten times that he is fine, Slaine spends the rest of the night dancing with Asseylum, and Eddelrittuo, and Nina, and many others. Inaho sits on the couch, observing his friends and the rest of his classmates as they dance and laugh, while he tries to breathe in and out in a normal way.

He can no longer ignore the frantic beating of his heart.

He now has a theory of why it must be so, but the rationalization is so strong and profound, he doesn’t know if he can admit it to himself, much more utter it aloud to Slaine that night.

*

After the party is over, Saazbaum offers to drive Inaho home in his car, but Slaine stops the conversation and offers to take Inaho home on his bicycle: “Fresh air will be good for you…s-since you were not feeling well before…”

It is very cold outside, but Saazbaum and Orlane share a glance and smile.

Inaho accepts.

*

Inaho sits behind Slaine, arms around Slaine’s waist. After Slaine looks over his shoulder and smiles at Inaho, he starts pedaling. (Slaine’s gaze, constant, persistent, keeps seeking out his own, during class, in the party before, right now as they are sitting on the bicycle, during their discussions and quiet afternoons in the park, and tomorrow and for all the days to come. Inaho tries with all his soul to understand this new, burning emotion.)

And Slaine pedals into the cold winter breeze, through the small and familiar roads of their neighborhood, through the empty park by the bare cherry tree, and Inaho tightens his grip on Slaine’s waist.

*

They stand before Inaho’s house. The wind brushes Slaine’s hair against his forehead.

Slaine is panting.  “Are you…feeling better…now?”

“Yes. You should go home. It’s very cold.”

Slaine’s mouth wrinkles, though his eyes shine. “Eh? You were the one that accepted the offer!”

_Because the two of us would ride one bicycle. And because I could wrap my arms around your waist. You know that._

Slaine’s cheeks are very red.

 _However…Slaine will leave._ “Did you send your papers to the Vers’ pilot academy?”

Slaine explains how Saazbaum helped him arrange everything. He adds that his father believes that the Vers academy is a bad idea, that if a war comes being a fighter pilot will be a terrible, devastating thing for his soul. Slaine, however, is still very confident about it; he will help end all wars, he will fly higher than anyone else before, he will achieve everything with his characteristic, beautiful smile.

“Slaine—“ Inaho begins, awkward and hopeful words in his mouth, but Slaine shushes him.

“Did you hear that?” Slaine whispers.

“…No. What was it?”

“A swallow’s cry. It must have been left behind, all alone in the cold…”

It happens again, and this time, Inaho hears it.

“This is my favorite sound of summer…” Slaine murmurs and turns and looks at the dark woods into the distance, pointlessly searching for the dying bird, and Inaho has the illogical, incomprehensible feeling that time has stopped, snowflakes floating frozen in the dark night all around them, and he can’t take his gaze away from Slaine’s profile; under the faint street light Slaine’s eyes are shimmering, brighter than any of his known stars in the skies.

Those eyes are looking at him now, and time, as it should, silently flows forward.

“Inaho.”

Inaho’s heart rises to his throat. He swallows every word he had to utter for Slaine. “Yes. Tell me.”

“One day…when I’m in Vers…you should come and visit me. I…I could show you many and beautiful things, there…”

 _I will lose you._ “Like what?”

“Have you ever traveled to the outskirts of the Vers Empire, Inaho? The winters there…that white landscape…it feels as if you are in some distant, foreign world. Like those stars of yours…”

*

After Slaine stops telling his stories, Inaho realizes his fingers have gone numb from the cold.

They stare at each other.

If Inaho has never experienced loss before, he definitely does now.

And Slaine smiles sadly and whispers, “Goodnight, Inaho.”, and before Inaho has the chance to shout anything back, Slaine gets on his bicycle, and without a noise, he goes and disappears into the night.

 

~Vers Empire, Northern Territories~

It’s snowing heavily, so finding the military base takes him days. The building’s metallic exterior reflects the white sunlight. The base is smaller than he thought. The aircrafts are nowhere to be seen, perhaps sheltered somewhere behind the base.

The sentry notices him.

The sound of a gunshot echoes through the whiteness—the bullet flies so close to Inaho’s ear, he is momentarily immobilized with trepidation.

He immediately takes out his travel papers and waves them above his head.

*  

“I’ve spent seven years searching for him. I’ve crossed an entire continent and an ocean to get here. I’m not leaving until I gather data on S—that person.”

The guard snickers, and Inaho dislikes the sound of it. “Well, then. He’s a lucky guy, if you’re willing to follow him this far… Step inside, Dr. Kaizuka.”

The thick metal door slams behind him, cutting off all the light.

Another soldier steps into his way. “Follow me.”

Their steps resonate in the dim corridor. The base is dirty. It reeks of unwashed bodies and what apparently seems to smell like today’s meal.

The guard steps inside a room, salutes, then gives Inaho’s papers to a man with blond, strangely curled hair and a sour expression. A Royal Knight, if one judges from the crimson uniform. He is slouched in his chair, legs crossed and resting on an old, termite-eaten desk.

 _“_ What is it now?” The man behind the desk barks. “I’ve told you not to disturb me!” He mumbles under his breath while reading Inaho’s identifications, “Whatever else should I expect, stationed on this cursed location…”

“B-But…he’s Dr. Kaizuka, sir!”

Each second that passes by, the pit in Inaho’s stomach grows and grows.

The man lifts his head, eyes widening in surprise. “It’s _him_?” Immediately, the man undergoes a complete transformation. “Dr. Kaizuka! Please, have a seat. Royal Knight Marylcian, to your services. Did your recent studies produce any results?”

Inaho would choke on his anticipation of asking about Slaine. He keeps silent, carefully observing and assessing any possible dangers. _He was the one asking Lemrina about Slaine…_

“I am no longer the head of Vers’ space program.”

“Hmm…I know that you resigned though, after you succeeded sending your capsules—“

“The correct terms are ‘rockets’ and ‘spaceships’.”

“Huh. Being the genius that send unmanned objects to space…and fully controlling those scraps of metal. You might succeed in reaching the ends of the Galaxy…but not Troyard’s location. He has disappeared from the face of the world.” Marylcian’s features twist in a strange way. The way of a predator. “You wouldn’t happen to know anything about Troyard’s whereabouts now, would you?”

Inaho straightens his body. “No.”

Marylcian tilts his head to the side. “Let me repeat myself, Dr. Kaizuka…you are the one who came here inquiring into Troyard. Someone…spoke about this place. Someone who is also interested in finding Troyard…Slaine Troyard. That’s the full name.”

Anger is slowly heating Inaho’s blood. “His full name is Slaine Saazbaum Troyard.”

“Oh, yes. Slaine _Saazbaum_ Troyard. How could I ever forget. Now, out with what you want, _Terran_.”

“Where is he.”

Marylcian smiles, sickly. “We were hoping you might tell us.”

Inaho is silent, realizing his colossal mistake, coming into this base unarmed and alone.

Marylcian slams his palm on the desk. “Enough with the theatrics. Do you see that place, Terran?” Marylcian points at the room’s only window. Endless, white snow. “There’s nothing else here. After all our experiments, the Terrans were annihilated. Nonetheless, after years of observations, we know that someone is hiding in that wilderness. It might be Troyard, it might be someone else working for Troyard. And finally…the bait for him has arrived.”

“…I fail to understand your plan.”

“I’m talking about you, you _vermin_. Something was going on between the two of you, wasn’t there. Between you and that filthy mongrel, Troyard.”

Fear for Slaine, true panic, pierces his heart. “What did you say.”

 “ _Don’t try to deny it, Terran!!_ ” Marylcian shrieks, _“We know!”_

“You have not produced any evidence—“

“Everyone here knows it’s you!” Marylcian produces something white out of his pocket—a piece of badly folded paper—then slams it on the desk. “He left you a small memento on the things he left behind.”

Inaho keeps staring at the small white piece of paper like a blind man seeing light for the first time. And he takes a long breath, and it’s as if a dam cracks and shatters somewhere inside him, and this raw, aching need for Slaine rushes forward, searing away anything else in the room.

_Slaine’s hair brushes against Inaho’s cheek while he giggles—“Now-now-it’s your turn, Inaho” and Inaho draws his hand across Slaine’s soft stomach and down—_

Broken, he takes a step forward, reaching out for the letter.

Marylcian seems incredibly satisfied. “That’s all we need to know. We’ll continue at the interrogation chamber.” At Marylcian’s shout, two soldiers barge inside the room. “Take him!”

*

Locked in a dark, filthy cell for the next few hours, Inaho has all the time in the world to blame himself for how idiotically and illogically he has behaved.

No one even knows he is here.

*

After the cell, they move him into another room, and he is tied onto a chair, arms trapped behind his back.

Marylcian steps inside. “Well, Dr. Kaizuka. Since the previous second, you’re a wanted criminal. As such, I don’t think you are going to need your fingers or your eyes for sending capsules into space again.”

Inaho swallows, wanting the nausea to go away.

“Playing innocent, are we now? Perhaps Mr. Scientist wants to tell us: useful information on where Troyard could be hiding?”

_I need to find a way to escape this. Before it’s…too late._

“Come ooon, Dr. Kaizuka. The name of Troyard’s hometown.”

Inaho tries to ignore him.

“You are a very famous man, Dr. Kaizuka. News about your space program kept arriving here. Everyone considers you the genius of our century. Troyard never spoke about you, but he gobbled up the news up like…”

That catches Inaho’s attention.

A laugh. “‘ _Inaho.’_ It’s your first name, isn’t it, Dr. Kaizuka? That’s the last thing Troyard kept whispering after we…messed him up a bit.”

Marylcian glances at a soiled whip, hanging from the wall.

Inaho’s vision goes red. “ _You—!”_

“Well…” He smiles. “Not I, not exactly. Count Cruhteo had to soil his hands for it.”

Inaho is pulling so frenziedly at his restraints, his wrists are bleeding.

“That little _rat,_ ” Marylcian spits out the word, “Apparently wanted to teach us an ethics lesson. He wanted to drag the names of our best officers into the mud! Use of prohibited weapons on Terrans…conspiracies in the Palace…of course our Empress knew nothing of this! And being adopted by Saazbaum, that traitor…ha! Troyard, that Terran scum, believed he was the better of us…”

Without a warning, Marylcian hits him so hard, everything goes black.

*

The ground keeps scraping his cheek; he spits out dirt and blood. He remembers.

 _“Your rockets, reaching higher and higher, in the loneliest of journeys.” Slaine whispers so quietly, Inaho has to press the headset closer to his ear to understand him_. _“Is that my destiny, Inaho? Is that what will become of my life?”_

They are dragging him away. Like they dragged Slaine away, once.

*

The next days are lost in a haze of heat and pain. He doesn’t remember where he is, at times, or what day it is, or even if he’s finally found Slaine, or even the memory of Slaine’s hands on his body, Slaine’s lips warm on his own.

But he remembers that he’s angry, so angry, his hands are shaking all the time.

*

Someone forces him to raise his head. He can’t open his left eye; his face, the inside of his head, everything is melting, everything is on fire.

“Pursue him as long and far as you like…but neither you nor Troyard can escape your fates!”

Laughter, everywhere around him.

*

When the next wave of consciousness arrives, arms are wrapped around him. He knows, because he remembers that night, so many years ago.

*

He walks and walks. The left side of his face feels like melting off. Someone is supporting him. There is white everywhere. It’s cold. It numbs him down to his bones. Each step is an effort— Inaho is swaying, vision tunneling into a single black spot.

_“Have you ever traveled to the outskirts of the Vers Empire, Inaho? The winters there…that white landscape…it feels as if you are in some distant, foreign world. Like those stars of yours…” Slaine sighs. “I want to show it to you, one day...”_

He doesn’t feel anything when his body hits the ground.

*

“…Kaizuka!”

Inaho is floating.

Someone is shaking him. “Kaizuka Inaho!”

“No…” It hurts. It’s excruciating. _Wait. I’ll come. I’ll come to you._

 

_~Municipality of Tanegashima~_

“Inaho… _Kaizuka Inaho!_ ”

Inaho raises his head from the astrophysics book. He realizes that the class is empty, and it must be around 4pm. Everyone must be home preparing for graduation day, tomorrow.

“Inaho.”

Except for Slaine.

“Come.”

Slaine’s smile is sad. He is holding a bottle of champagne.

Inaho breaks their locked gazes and breathes again. “Why champagne?”

“W-We should celebrate.” Slaine’s eyes are so green, but also red around the iris. They shimmer with moisture. Inaho carefully closes his book and abandons it on his school desk. Slaine is leaving tomorrow. For Vers. Inaho gets up and follows Slaine out of the classroom, beyond the blue school gate, beyond the outskirts of their small town, on the field where the hungry birds usually gather, chirping through the warm evenings.

(He knows of that because one year ago, when he was 17 years old and making his observations on the sun—the flowery meadow with the abandoned, old buildings provided the necessary position and angles for his calculations—he found Slaine there. Slaine was feeding the birds, half-singing, half-humming a song about someone feeding birds, too.

Slaine’s voice was gentle, carried through the light breeze. The melody nested itself like a bird deep into Inaho’s heart, and there was a fluttering in his chest, that sunlit day.

Slaine looked at him, and the flock of swallows rose and soared across the sky.

It was the first time in his life that Inaho made errors in his calculations, that day.)

 

~Vers Empire, Northern Territories~

The few clear moments he can open his right eye and understand his surroundings, he realizes that he is lying on a makeshift bed somewhere warm, and that a man with black hair is taking care of him.

He also knows he has very high fever, because when he falls asleep, he dreams endless dreams; of his past, of his happiness and of Slaine.

*

“I believe…this belongs to you.” Harklight says, after Inaho has spent many days between fever and unconsciousness in their small hut, amid the snow and cold.

It’s Slaine’s letter, torn and tattered, the same letter Marylcian used against him.

He opens it with shaking, frostbitten fingers.

It is barely legible since Slaine has crossed out many words and phrases. Slaine was obviously feverish when writing it, from actual fever because of his torture or sorrow or passion Inaho doesn’t know. 

But he reads it, and rereads it and rereads it, and after his heart is full of Slaine’s words, Inaho feels very small and fragile.

*

“Did you—“

Inaho interrupts Harklight, leaning his throbbing head onto the wooden walls of their shelter. “No. I didn’t talk. I couldn’t tell them, since I don’t know where he is. Even if I did, I would never speak. I would never betray him.”

He takes in a slow breath, aware of Harklight’s sympathetic gaze.

“Slaine…He means the world to me.”

It’s the most he has ever said to anyone since Slaine has disappeared.

“Slaine-san saved my life, eight years ago.” Harklight begins, and Inaho listens.

 

_~Municipality of Tanegashima~_

They leave their bicycles lying on the fresh grass and use the gray, protruding bricks to climb up the abandoned, half-destroyed house with the level roof.  

The sit down, side by side, on a blanket Slaine somehow provides. Slaine’s jeans are spotting smudges from their climbing efforts. The bottle of champagne is remarkably undamaged.

“Asseylum and the others are still at school.”

“I know.” The sunset paints Slaine’s cheeks in shades of red.

“Slaine?”

“I-I’ve searched a lot for that place…where I could finally show you that starry, starry sky…”

_This is pointless—I don’t have my telescope with me. Or perhaps…_

“Why me, and why here?”

 “B-Because it’s dark, and we are away from the world and we can see the stars, later…”

“Slaine…”

“A-Alright! I simply wanted to be alone with you!”

And Inaho recalls all those years, Slaine’s subtle signs as they turned from enemies to friends, all those tender gestures and something more, something deep and immense that Inaho has never felt before and will never feel again for anyone in his life—a massive flock of swallows rises up and covers the sky, scattering his thoughts away.

Slaine takes a sip from the bottle and then places the champagne next to Inaho.

_The taste is…strange._

*

“I want to take with me…The shape of your hands on mine and your m-mouth…”

Inaho flushes. “S-Slaine…?” _Ah. Of course._ “Ethanol can affect your nervous system and therefore your brain, something that has obviously happened already—”

“N-No!” Slaine is silent. “Alright. The champagne was j-just an excuse.”

Inaho thinks his heart might burst. “Why...?”

Slaine hunches his head, silent. He turns to face Inaho, eyes open and vulnerable.  

Inaho thinks, he doesn’t want to look into any other light after that evening. Never mind about the suns and supernovae and other stars. The orange sun hiding deep behind the hills, the fire in Slaine’s eyes are the only things he remembers, dizzy and warm, before Slaine’s lips descend onto his own.

It’s everything he was always seeking. Inaho has never felt anything like the touch of Slaine’s mouth. Suddenly, he has no more air left in his lungs. A flood of heat sweeps everything away; the town and the hills and the birds and the future, until the only things that are left are Slaine’s mouth on his own, Slaine’s perfect fingers sliding into his hair, holding him desperately in place while they kiss and kiss, sighing and groaning, mad and feverish with passion.

*

They talk, and they kiss, and Inaho wipes away the tears sliding down Slaine’s cheeks.

They never observe the stars.

*

When Inaho wakes up, he is sleeping in Slaine’s arms, the chill of the summer night permeating the thin blanket wrapped around them.

Slaine sighs in his sleep, as if something great and terrible is troubling him. His hand lies open, fingers a bit curled, next to his reddened mouth.

 _The moon sliding overhead across the entire night sky, Slaine’s body naked next to his own, everything Slaine whispered to him while lost in pleasure—_ Inaho stops the memories, blushing.

The prismatic colors travel across the sky. Inaho sits up, stares at the dawn and the way the light spills onto Slaine’s hair, pale against the gray concrete.

 

_~Municipality of Tanegashima~_

 

_~~I now know what will make your rockets and satellites soar higher and higher, much higher than the birds we saw together that evening, Inaho, higher than I could ever dream to go, because if my destiny is to touch the stars, it is in your destiny to go the furthest, where no one else has ever dared go before~~ _

_~~There’s an entire universe out there that you are going to explore~~ _

_~~I know back from the days when we were little children that this is what you always wanted to do, but before you do that I wanted to tell you that I love you, that I miss you all the time because I love you in ways that are unbearable, that even your silly stars or all the physics you adore won’t be able to understand~~ _

*

Harklight, the man who found him and saved him, goes to live with Eddelrittuo until everything calms down.

Harklight was Slaine’s wingman. Slaine saved his life during a formation accident. The day Slaine was taken away in order to be interrogated about everything he proclaimed during his visit to the Palace, everything he might have revealed to the Princess, Harklight unsuccessfully tried to save him. Harklight escaped Marylcian and survived, hiding into the wilderness of northern Vers, until he discovered that Inaho was being held prisoner in the base. He managed to break him out after triggering a false fire alarm. Retrieving Inaho’s travel papers, he then managed to smuggle them both into Terra.

Marylcian was arrested and the conspiracies uncovered, though the public never learned of anything.

Due to insufficient evidence about Slaine’s role in this ‘incident’, it was decided from the Vers officers that Slaine’s name can never be cleared.

Royal Knight Cruhteo, the man who ordered Slaine’s last mission, mysteriously went missing, only for his body to be discovered a few months later in one of Crutheo’s estates, crushed under the rumbles of Cruhteo’s castle.

*

Asseylum came at him, frantically offering apologies, but Inaho found himself unable to remember what exactly he answered to her—the pain medication had rendered him unable to function properly, the first weeks after the removal of his eye.

Yuki cried for hours after the surgery, after Inaho returned home with an eyepatch in order to recover.

*

He still has headaches and problems with his vision, but at least he is capable of functioning normally—he is still capable of going after Slaine.

*

Harklight did not only steal Slaine’s letter from the base the night he helped Inaho escape. After his torture, Slaine was transferred to a prison facility of some kind. Harklight removed the papers proving that transfer from what he assumed was Cruhteo’s desk.

*

Inaho will spend the next years in search of that facility. Occasionally, he will return to Tanegashima, visiting his sister and Slaine’s parents, sharing with them stories about the past.

 

_~Municipality of Tanegashima, three years later~_

It’s a letter from Asseylum, left on the table.

Inaho pushes it towards Yuki. “I told you to tell her no.”

“You can’t be alone forever.”

“I told you. Slaine will—“

Yuki is furious. “NO. This can’t go on! You’ve abandoned your research, spent half your savings, travelled across the world twice…and for what?! It’s been three years since Harklight-san found you, and I’m still unable to forget what—what they did to you…”

“I won’t stop.”

“Fifteen years, Nao! Fifteen years of that endless pursuit! The Vers secret police came to my job yesterday, do you know that?!” She is livid. “They were asking questions about you! How longer will this go on, Nao?!”

“Until I find him.”

“He hasn’t even come to see you!!”

“Then I will go to him. No matter where I have to go, I will go to him.”

At his tone, Yuki calms somewhat. “Perhaps Slaine doesn’t even want to be found, Nao…Perhaps he is happily married somewhere with a family of his own, having left his past behind…for all you know, he might no longer be alive!”

_“Stop it.”_

The words are cruelly phrased, and Yuki pales. “Nao…It hurts my heart to see you torture yourself like this. Please…”

“You don’t understand.” Inaho murmurs. He lowers his head, his hair covering his eyepatch. His heart feels mashed. “I want to see him. I simply want to see him, if only once…”

*

All those years, he kept imagining Slaine forgotten from the world, unable to communicate with Inaho, wanting to come home but never being able to, lost in some faraway forest or mountain or dessert.

Sometimes, on the streets, he would hear someone say something that sounded like Slaine’s name—and he would turn, greedily, always seeking out the sound.

*

As the fourth unproductive year after the loss of his eye goes by, Inaho decides to take a three-month break, stay with Yuki at his hometown, sit out on his balcony in the afternoons when he’s not working on new rocket designs, and remember.

After Slaine left, Inaho entered university in Terra’s Capital, studying astrophysics and mathematics. Slaine wrote to him a few times. From Slaine’s rare letters, Inaho was certain that something had gone terribly wrong. Back then, he had no idea where Slaine was stationed, since it was confidential. He never knew about what the Royal Knights were planning—not one civilian knew. Not even Asseylum. It was Inaho’s idea to call Slaine, after he successfully sent his first rockets to the stars and obtained 3 scholarships. He had to spent 3 months’ worth of his scholarships in telephone bills, because had tried numerous, endless times to call and find where Slaine was stationed, which Vers military base it was—until, in the end, he got permission to talk to Slaine with Asseylum’s help (who had gone to study politics in her home country, Vers.)

The bullying apparently hadn’t stopped.

 

~ Capital of Terra~

“What did they say, Slaine?”

So Slaine tells him what they said, and Inaho kneels inside the telephone booth.

In his mind, they are children again and he is finding Slaine under the cherry tree, and he is sitting again next to Slaine on the gray road, looking again at Slaine’s sad mouth, that lost look in his eyes, and this time he does the one important thing he should have done that day, all those years ago; in his mind, he takes Slaine in his sheltering arms.

“People tend to say illogical things.” Inaho whispers into the headset. “Don’t take them at heart.”

The line is silent. In his mind, Slaine nods, frame convulsing a bit with silent sobs. ~~~~

“Slaine…your dreams will soon be fulfilled.” Inaho says, desperately. “You should be happy-”

Slaine shushes him. Inaho imagines the tears. He feels completely useless.

Slaine murmurs, “I-I know. How is home? The cherry trees must have bloomed…”

“Yes.” Inaho says. “Yes, they have.”

“It’s still winter here. The branches are bare…ominous. It’s so sad.” Slaine shatters and breaks. He sobs, “It makes me miss you s-so much.”

*

After that telephone conversation, with mountains and cities and an entire continent separating them, Slaine’s letters become short, and months fly away before the next one arrives.

Until nothing arrives.

Inaho is lost.

 

_~Vers, Cape of Tranquility~_

Inaho is thirty years old when he finally manages to connect the facility Slaine was transferred to after the Vers government refused to believe him, after Marylcian betrayed him, after he was tortured by Cruhteo.

The papers found in the Vers Base lead him to a secret Vers agency that has ceased to exist for almost 5 years—and when Inaho reads about the purpose of the organization from the confidential, decoded files Saazbaum managed to provide him with, his blood runs cold.

Slaine was not sent into an ordinary prison facility. He was sent into a classified training camp. An experimentation camp, its purpose being the conducting of medical experiments in conditions that resemble those of space.

In conditions that a future astronaut would face.

*

After Inaho refused to continue as head of Vers’ space program, the facility on the Cape of Tranquility was abandoned.

This time, Inaho finds himself returning to the Cape of Tranquility, the launch site of his many successful unmanned rockets, but also the place where he failed everyone spectacularly, in his first and last attempt to send a human being to outer space. 

Ever since his rocket exploded in mid-air, Inaho kept thinking that he was only responsible for the machine.

He was not responsible for the person inside.

*

He is frantic when he barges into the abandoned offices and rips desks and drawers apart in order to find the information he seeks; the astronaut’s identity.

*

**Height: 175cm**

**Weight: 60kg**

**Age: 20**

**Name: Slaine Troyard**

*****

He stares at the name. An assembly of letters, dark miniscule spots of black ink on white paper.

Everything turns blurry.

_The day was sunny. The rocket was all set and ready to be launched. Tomorrow would be the day._

_The astronaut in his white suit, his hand lingering in his own, holding on so tight—the dark helmet glass dampening—a glimpse of bright green—_

Slaine died fifteen years ago, that sunny morning in that flaming rocket, ready to touch the stars.

Inaho curls into himself.

 ** _Slaine Troyard_** _,_ a dark destiny on white paper, and Inaho lost him.

*

*

*

The same day, Inaho swallows five painkillers, numbs his mind and returns to Tanegashima.

_Saazbaum…Orlane…Yuki…Harklight… Lemrina… Asseylum… Eddelrittuo…Calm…the others._

_I have to tell them._

Before he informs all the others on Slaine’s fate, he has one final place to visit before breaking down, or deciding on the new, nonexistent worth of his life.

*

(Fifteen years.

Every day for fifteen years, he swore to never give up. To hunt after barely visible traces, tiny sparks of Slaine’s presence in this dull world, forever searching for a solitary star in the black night skies.

Inaho almost goes mad with the thought; he kept longing for the unreachable, searching his whole life for something that was perhaps lost from the start.)

*

*

*

 

~Home~

When Inaho returns to Tanegashima the next morning, he is ready to visit the abandoned building for the first and last time, but it is no longer abandoned. It’s painted red and it’s whole and facing the flowers.

Someone is feeding the birds.

Golden hair shining under the sun.

Before Inaho knows it, he is running, running towards him, his eyes burning with endless emotions.

— _the song fades away as Slaine turns his face into the light—Inaho’s presence is not a secret any longer, it seems, because Slaine smiles at him, and Inaho smiles back— the flock of swallows rises and soars across the sky—_

“SLAINE!” Inaho shouts, losing all the air from his lungs. “SLAINE TROYARD!”

His voice scares the birds away, black masses surround the person on the field, until the birds rise towards the sky, and Inaho is home.

*

Slaine is breathing harshly. He scowls at Inaho, like a wolf prepared for an attack.

Inaho rushes forward, breathless, and his arms fly like blind birds towards Slaine’s face—touching it—Slaine pushes him forcibly away with a broken groan. He sounds as if in pain.

Everything stops. Inaho stands, alone and puzzled, watching as Slaine takes a step backwards.

Slaine can’t look him in the eye. “No—no. My life isn’t worth yours, Inaho. Go back to your sister. Be happy. Forget about me.”

With those words, Slaine turns his back and slowly walks towards the once abandoned house.

He closes the door, leaving Inaho outside.

*

Fifteen years; Inaho will never give up.

He rushes in, chasing after Slaine.

*

He steps inside the house. The windows are barred.

Inaho begins to move toward Slaine, but Slaine stops him in his tracks with a single glare.

Silence descends upon the room.

Slaine’s voice is a low growl. “Leave.”

“No.” Inaho asserts. “Never.”

Slaine’s expression fades into something more than melancholy, and Inaho feels his heart lurch.

Slaine’s gleaming look is full of accusation. “I suppose you want explanations, then.” Slaine says, and motions at Inaho to sit down at the small round table in what appears to be Slaine’s dark living room.

*

“…There was a man sent to that…place…with me. His name was Trillam. He hated me…perhaps because I was born in Terra, but despite that, I managed to become a Versian pilot…something that he never achieved. Anyway. They promised freedom and glory for the men who would volunteer for your space program. But it was all Vers’ scheme…in order to get rid of me. Even if I managed to land your…machine, I knew I would be found ‘dead’ because of an ‘accident’. Trillam, the fool, did not understand this.”

Inaho feels lightheaded with all the new information. He is barely restraining himself for lunging at Slaine and enfolding him in his arms. “Slaine—your hand, that day—“

“Yes. We shook hands…but this happened the day before the actual launch.”

_…Indeed._

Slaine explains that he could not inform Inaho of his identity back then; he was being watched the whole time during the interview. Slaine continues:

“The day of the launch, Trillam stabbed me and stole my place. I was lucky, I guess, since he died in my place…Bleeding and forgotten, someone found me and transferred me to the hospital. I was in a comatose state for some years…After escaping the hospital, I took small jobs around Vers and avoided major cities…I knew that Marylcian and the rest of the officers, still not knowing about my ‘death’, were looking for me. At one point, I raised enough money to buy a false identity and a passport, and eventually return to Terra. All of this took me…about five more years.”

 _And he did not contact me because…_ “…Was I under surveillance?”

Slaine takes a trembling breath. “For the first decade…you were. Saazbaum, too. Even Princess Lemrina, Eddelrittuo. Cruhteo and everyone else in the upper Vers government thought I was dead…but Marylcian and the rest didn’t. For them, I had simply disappeared. I was only safe from the moment I obtained my fake identity…about three years ago.”

“…Why?” Inaho can barely force out the words. “Why didn’t you contact me after that?”

Just for a second, Slaine looks so lost, Inaho’s heart twists. “I am no longer the same person you remember.” Slaine whispers. “The person you were looking for…is long lost now, Inaho.”

“Why?”

Slaine looks away.

Inaho remembers Lemrina’s words; _They were forced to do terrible things._

“Not even your parents?”

“ _Especially_ my parents!” Slaine suddenly shouts, features deformed with rage, and a chill races down Inaho’s spine. Slaine sighs, impatient. “I was hated, convicted. A traitor and a killer. The only thing I have left are my sorrows. I traveled the world, but in the end, all countries seemed the same. You must understand—I have to remain dead to the world. I _have_ to.”

“Slaine—“

“I can’t. I can’t see myself with you any longer. I-I can’t see myself at all.”

“I am not repulsed by the scars, Slaine. Or any of your actions.”

Slaine keeps pressing his fingertips to his temples, rocking slightly back and forth. “Kaizuka Inaho. What do you want from me? Whatever happened on this roof ended the night it started, 15 years ago. That’s all our relationship ever was. And we are no longer the silly 18-year-olds we used to be, Inaho. Our dreams will never matter to anyone…” Slaine is looking at him, but his eyes are frighteningly empty. “…not even to ourselves any longer…”

“For years…” Inaho begins, careful, burning up inside, “Your friendship…your love. The way you understood me, even during times I was silent. The way you showed me…how to dream. I was happy only because of you.”

Slaine abruptly gets up and retreats into the shadows. “Even a fool like you can understand that I am not _happy_ right now, Kaizuka Inaho.”

Inaho gets up too and follows Slaine, who is sitting on the floor now, hiding his face into crossed, skinny arms. He is shaking, badly. A severe revelation begins unfolding inside Inaho’s frantic mind; that perhaps Slaine is mentally ill; that perhaps Slaine’s time in the Vers military, Cruhteo’s torture, the other strange facility, perhaps all of this left him with more than just the red, raised scars visible on his nape, disappearing under the hem of Slaine’s shirt.

Silent, he sits next to Slaine. He stares at the wall. “Slaine, I—”

“Don’t.” Slaine whispers. “I was happy, once, with you…I really was. But now…I-I think I am incapable of love, Inaho. Please…you have to understand.”

Inaho’s eye is stinging. “I’ve searched and searched for you…”

Slaine is silent.

Inaho carefully pulls Slaine towards him and places both his hands on Slaine’s cheeks. As he imagined, Slaine’s limbs stay slack, like those of a broken doll.

Slaine looks down at the floor, then back at Inaho.

Inaho continues embracing Slaine, wrapping him up, trembles and all. And Slaine leans into the hug, and Inaho feels as though light is running through his veins.

“Finally…” Inaho’s eye is burning as he feverishly presses his cheek against Slaine’s. “I searched for you…everywhere…” Inaho buries his nose into Slaine’s hair and utters his answer to Slaine’s damaged letter, as if holding it inside any longer will break him.

Slaine snaps his head backwards, pinning him with wide green eyes. Open and vulnerable. “N-No.”

“Slaine. You are my life.”

“What h-happened to your eye.” Slaine whispers hoarsely as an answer, and after Inaho explains, _The same thing that happened to your chest and back,_ Slaine looks at him for a few moments, horrified, and then starts howling, and nothing a shocked Inaho says can make him stop.

So Inaho gathers Slaine in his arms, and knows at that moment that his endless, lonely journey is finally over.

_~Epilogue~_

Despite Slaine’s everyday strong demeanor, it takes Slaine weeks to agree to see his parents. It takes him almost a year to meet with everyone else, the scars left from everything that happened on Northern Vers and the facility too deep to heal completely, no matter how hard Inaho tries to help Slaine with trusting people again.

There will be nights where Slaine will moan, struggle and shout, saying things like, _I can never fly again,_ but Inaho will always manage to calm him down.

But there will also be days where Slaine will return home after his walk through the field, and in his arms he will hold gatherings of flowers; violets, roses and yellow lilies.

*

It takes time, but the night Slaine comes into his bedroom and kisses him, with the moonlight weaved in his blond hair, with gentle hands and lips reaching everywhere, Inaho almost goes mad about Slaine. Only Slaine’s touch can cool down his skin, burning with longing.

Slaine’s hunger and need are almost greater than his own; Inaho’s hands travel endlessly across Slaine’s body, and Inaho loses himself into Slaine, into dizzy heights of passion, of unbearable desire and happiness.

*

He follows with his mouth the small curve of muscle under Slaine’s shoulder blade, leans over Slaine’s back, breathing into Slaine’s hair. Slaine shivers. Inaho smiles, his chest burning with happiness, but then Slaine turns, and they are kissing again, perhaps for the hundredth time that night. Inaho constantly yearns for more.

*

Slaine’s hand lies open, fingers a bit curled, next to his reddened mouth.

It is morning, the sun shining through the windows of Inaho’s bedroom.

The memory of their first time returns. Inaho feels stuffed with emotion. “I like that.”

Slaine’s eyelids flutter open. “Hmm…what?”

Inaho intertwines their fingers. “I like that better.”

Slaine blinks, then perhaps remembers something nice, and flushes bright red. “Inaho…”

Inaho waits.

Slaine buries half of his face into the pillow, looking at Inaho through the blond curls covering his green eyes. “I’ve decided...I’ll go with you…if you want…I’ll go with you anywhere.”

“No. I will follow you anywhere you like. However…here is okay, too. I have observed…that you like feeding the birds.” The emotions rise again. Inaho reaches out an arm, caresses Slaine’s cheek. “Slaine…”

“…Here it is, then.” Slaine whispers and smiles, and rolls them so that he is the one covering Inaho’s body, now. A pause. “…There is still time for us to see all the beautiful things in the world…together…isn’t there, Inaho?”

“Certainly.” Inaho says, and smiles, covering Slaine’s mouth with his own. After the kiss is over: “Where do you want to go first?”

Slaine giggles like a teenager, again. “The ocean.”

“…Why the ocean?”

Slaine’s half-smile is gentle. “You have never been to the ocean, have you?”

He hasn’t.

So Inaho smiles and kisses Slaine again, and thinks that the life ahead of them could never be anything else but happy.

 

**Author's Note:**

> A small confession: I think I’ll keep placing Saazbaum into the role of Slaine’s father for (all) most AZ fics to come… ((because Slaine desperately needs a family.))
> 
> Also, title from the ‘Flower Duet’.


End file.
